She was waiting for him when he walked in the door.
"Where's the extra house keys?"
She hissed. He shrugged.
"I don't know."
"You probably left them at her house!"
"What?! Who's 'her'?"
"Screw you! You're cheating on me!"
She swung her purse at his head. The keys fell out and clattered to the floor.
8 comments:
Ha, that made me kinda laugh at the end.
When she says "Where's the extra house keys?" I think it should be either "Where are the extra house keys?" or "Where's the extra house key?"
I really like that she hissed instead of something plain like "said."
Good job.
Yes i agree with alisha when she about the question. 'Where's the extra house key?' sounds better.
the end did make me laugh.
hissed was a ver good and strong word to use. great job!
I love the ending of your short story. I might need a little more detail on how mad she is. Also the verb on about swinging her bag i would put maybe how hard or another word.
oh thats funny, the hissed is a very strong word. umm, the plot line is a little cliched. but its still good, i like it .
This is so hilarious. It's easy to understand. I like the way that you used the verbs "hissed" and "shrugged."
hehe, that's just silly. i lurv irony.
Yay, good verb and noun use. i really liked clattered and hissed. Good job, i really enjoyed your fifty-five word story.
The end of your poem made me laugh too. I really like your verb choices like hugged and shrugged it really helped in describing your characters. Good plot and conflict. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to your topic too. Nice job!
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